All About Baby

This entry is very much for my personal journaling. I have so many thoughts I would love to record since we learned of our exciting news a month ago. You are welcome to read as I share our journey, but be forwarned that it may be long, and is most likely more than you ever cared to know...

Baby Number 3 has been on my mind for YEARS. It seems, after having a second, everyone wants to know `when will we have a third!` Ha! After having Scotlin, and our move to Canada, our family planning was something I began to take even more seriously. Finding that time when it felt `Right` was our challenge. We longed for another baby, but the timing certaintly was not right when ever we made our own plans. Knowing well that it is the Lord who decides , and that it is always in HIS  timing, I trusted in Him, and pleaded along the way that he would help me to know and feel when that time had arrived.

After years of planning, different medical challenges, and tests of faith, it seemed as though the whisperings and promptings were in deed leading the way. We formed a plan that seemed to match the intent of our hearts and prayers and sure enough, that divine blessing was granted. The week before Easter in this spring of 2012, we found out we were expecting Baby number 3!

At first it almost seemed too easy. Like, how could this realy be happening to me, when I see so many who struggle and want it just as much. There is little I know about WHY this happens. But, I do know ultimately we are not in charge, or even at liberty to guess why it comes to all of us differently. Also, when I looked at the bigger picture, I realized it wasn`t as easy for us as I thought. It was after personal trials, that were hopefully endured well - with faith, prayer, belief, and longing for His will as the constant ground to stand on. No matter my understanding on the latter issue, I did understnad that what I had been granted was a miracle and a gift! And my soul rejoiced!

How I found out:
I should have clued into a few tell tell signs, but I just didn`t. I truly didn`t have a clue one way or the other. Of course we were expecting to find an answer soon, and I was counting down the days...
I told myself I would wait until friday to take the test... Who am I kidding! I came home from the grocery store on Tuesdy and took it right away!
 I thought it could be early, and I was setting myself up for dissappointment, or mind games, but I still just couldn`t wait! :)
I brought in all the groceries and dropped them onto the kitchen floor. I took the test with me into the small bathroom off of the kitchen area, and gave myself a litte pep talk before taking it. I braced myself for whatever it had to say. I told myself I would lay it face down and wait. I waited for those few minute saying silent prayers, and still completely clueless to what it would say. I let myself be okay if it said no, and confirmed that that would be alright, and we would just keep trying...
And then, I turned it over.
Crystal Clear: You are Pregnant!

What I felt in that moment:
I am petty sure my eyes bulged and my mouth dropped! Somehow, even though we were trying, and even though this is not my first rodeo,  the news still came as a shock!
Instantly, I wept. Sobbed from the depths of my soul! I looked upward towards heaven in prayer (which I have only done one other time in my life) and thanked the Creator of this design, with all my might! I felt him near. He was close by in that moment. With every fiber of my being, I thanked Him, and wept with grattitude. 

While I prayed, I saw our child... this baby came to my mind in a flash. The vison was gone as fast as it came, but the image will forever be in my mind. I saw a child running and playing with Miley and Scotlin.. I felt love overcoming and natural, and I knew it was MY child.
For a woman, and mother, in her child bearing years, this vision and these emotions were beyond special and priceless to me. I thought of the child I had seen, the one I was now carrying, and knew our journey together, as mother and child had begun.

Certaintly, at this exciting time when emotions are high special things like this can happen. It seemed quite normal when it did... But I have realized as the days have passed and time has gone on, that the spirit that accompanied me that afternoon was of a very special nature. The things I felt that day have not come in that way again. And it has helped me to realize, that for a merciful moment, the veil of Heaven was thin. The Lord gave me a special and unique spiritual gift that day, (as he has done at certain times throughout my life) - of which I cherish and always will.

Telling Justin:
Haha! Well... telling Justin did NOTgo as planned. After the news settled in for me, I started thinking of all the how`s, when`s, and where`s of telling Justin. I thought up a grand plan! We had made plans to go to Peggy`s Cove that friday as a family, so I decided I would wait until we were there to tell him the news! I had a glass bottle with a cork on top for him to find while we were out on the cliff shores.... `a message in a bottle...`  would tell him we were having a baby! Perfect plan!
I just had to keep my own little secret for a few days... no biggy!! :)
I `didn`t know what to do with the pregnancy test right that minute, and I still had groceries to put away, dinner to get on, etc... so I decided to just hide it under the sink in the bathroom, and take care of it later...

Later that night our good friend Josh came over for a haircut. Justin had just come home from school, we had just finished dinner, and didn`t have much time to talk before I started cutting Josh`s hair. We are all visiting about nothing, and Justin is working in the kitchen putting things away here and there... When all of the sudden he decides to go into the bathroom looking for windex...
Why does my husband have to be soooo amazing and effecient...! He saw little handprints on the sliding glass doors that the kids had left behind from earlier that day, and so kindly went looking for windex under the bathroom sink to clean them off.
He comes out of the bathroom, and with the funniest look on his face ( a look of shock, whoops... suprise, excitement, ahhh!) asks me like a robot: `do. we. have. any. widex...`
I look at him, and put it together that he saw the test, and we both just stare at eachother with HUGE smiles on our faces. Justin`s face starts turning red, and Josh starts wondering what in the heck we are doing! All I can think to say is... you weren`t suppossed to go in there!

For the rest of the evening we can`t celebrate because Josh is still there and has no clue what is going on. So, we just visited with him about nothing, and later sent him out the door. As soon as the door closed behind him Just and I were able to celebrate our news! We hugged and kissed and congratulated eachother, and then I told him the whole story. My plan was foiled!! :) I was glad he knew though. It was much more fitting that way... although, I was impressed with myself for thinking I could keep it a secret for a few days!  :)
Justin has been ready and wanting this baby for a LONG time, so he was over the moon. :)
I love him so much. I am grateful he is the one by my side, and we are able to have this family together.

Do you ever just feel so glad to be who you are... I do! I feel so grateful to be ME! All of my quirks, and imperfections, I`ll take em! Because somehow, being who I am led me to find a man who loves me completely. And who I love completely in return both body and spirit. My greastest blessing.


Sharing the News:
Why am I so bad at suprises. I just don`t know. But, really I am horrible at it. :)
At first we thought I would go home to Utah this summer and suprise eveyone with a baby belly! That would have been great, and still would be my plan if I were a better secret keeper.
We went from telling the family in Utah, to well, maybe we should tell them sometime in June, I mean, Mom is coming out, and I can`t keep it from her then... so everyone should probably know...
We went from June, to maybe Mother`s Day would be a fun time to tell them...
And then, we didn`t even make it until May...! :)
I was on skype with Mom, Trav, and Grandma Rolfe, (which never happens!) and just had to tell them! And I was glad I did! Of course, I couln`t keep it from my mom, but having grandma and trav hear it in person was very fun for me.
Our little girl has been so sweet and excited too, and has been telling everyone she meets `my mommy is growing a baby in her tummy!`
I`ll pick her up from Music class and the instructer will congratulate me, and tell me Miley told her...
Mi`s also spilled the beans to Uncle Jared over skype (Who had the best and most priceless reaction). It was so fun to talk with him that day, but we knew we couldn`t expect him to keep it from the rest of the family, so we decided to tell everyone else that week.
I am glad that everyone knows now... it almost seems wrong to keep wonderful news to myself! :)
You would think that living over 3000 miles away would help me keep a secret... Well, in fact, it was the opposit. Maybe I just needed to feel the support even though it`s far away... because there just isn`t any here.

The First Months:
The first few weeks when only we knew were so much FUN. Day dreaming about baby, smiling to myself, and feeling the newness and excitement! I felt GREAT (aside from extreeme exhaustion) and was hopeful this would be my best pregnancy yet! After week 7 the nausea kicked up, but still was not as bad as Miley or Scotlin. I have found strength in positive thinking, and battle the nausea with thoughts of this great gift, honor, and priviledge I have of carrying a child.
 I have my good days and bad. I long for Justin to be home! But, try to be patient and understnad he can`t be. We cope well somedays, and other days we get by only by doing the bare minimum. Friends have been so kind to call and check in on me often, some even offering to help with our kids which is greatly appreciated!

Life has slowed down significantly. Some days I find myself already missing my regular energy, and  being able to keep up with, and take care of my family. Gratefully I had a kind reminder this week that it is OKAY TO SLOWDOWN. And thankfully Justin has been so helpful to pick up my slack.
In my slowed down day I have the opportunity to do less, which always shows how much of what I do is really important. My scripture study has been deeper and more valuable this past month, and my time with my kids reading, and listening of much greater worth.

I`ve been to the Doctor, and left feeling so greatful to be in her good care! I am fortunate that she knows of my medical history, and so therefor all of my needs outside of prenatal care.
During the course of the pregnancy and after delivery I will see a chiropracter to ensure that evrything lines up correctly as it failed to do after having Scotlin. I will also see a nutritionist at the hospital to monitor my functinoal dyspepsia in pregnancy. The two (FD and Pregnancy) are opposing teams going head to head, an I can feel their battle. I will also see a midwife, and reproductive mental health specialist beginning sometime soon to ensure I have the support I need, and every opportunity to prepare for a good experience with labor and delivery.

I am greatful to be embarking on this new journey. Each one of my pregnancy`s has been different, and each one with new lessons to teach me. I feel like I have a greater understanding this time of what I am carrying and as my role as a mother. It is a very exciting time, and one we are extreemly thanksful for!
I plan to document the journey a little better this time, so here is a good start! :)
3 cheers for baby number 3!
:)